Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
