Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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