I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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