Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
