FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
