when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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