can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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