So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
