This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
