Kiss
Puke
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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