I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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