Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
