if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So much rum. So many feels.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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