I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
