Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Randomize
