i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
