I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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