i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
