Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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