so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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