sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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