The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
