Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
