Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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