I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
