do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
