I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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