dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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