I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
