I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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