I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
