Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
