You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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