your room smells of hookers.
And success
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
