Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
