We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
