Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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