Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
