my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
