Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
