I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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