Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
