The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
