Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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