best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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