think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
