I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
