Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
