More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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