He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
