Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
