She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
