My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
