My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
