took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
